


F*ckin idiot

by Jefasari (Tanark)



Series: Kpop more like Gaypop [10]
Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: F/F, Gay, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Little Ryeji and Yejisu in there, No explicit sex but there is minors touching each other in a sexual manner, Not cheating but..., Ryujin is a bit of a messy gay here..., Sexual Tension, little angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23990794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanark/pseuds/Jefasari
Summary: Ryujin is a nervous ball of "what if I'm not good enough" so she asks for help.From someone who is not her future girlfriend.And then, in the future, said girlfriend finds out.
Relationships: Implied Choi Jisu | Lia/Hwang Yeji, Lee Chaeryeong/Shin Ryujin
Series: Kpop more like Gaypop [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1496747
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	F*ckin idiot

**Author's Note:**

> Bruh I don't know  
> *giggles* help  
> 

Switching rooms was the best idea they'd ever had. Chaeryeong mourns the loss of her space and privacy sometimes, but Ryujin makes sure to cuddle her harder and remind her just why she put up with this. She'd do more than cuddling if they ever got that far, but for now-

"Ryu-Ryujin," Chaeryeong groans, and Ryujin hums in question. She's sucking a light mark onto Chaeryeong's shoulder, knowing they don't have a schedule tomorrow. Chaeryeong's arms are looped around her sides, slowly tracing her back and occasionally scratching at her neck. The skin of their stomachs press together, Chaeryeong tensing every now and then as Ryujin gently rocks against her.

She wasn't subtle this time when she positioned her body between Chaeryeong's legs, but the younger girl just took her hand and blushed and tugged her closer. It had been ten minutes, maybe a little less, and Ryujin's starting to double back on the path she had made, using a little more teeth on her throat. Chaeryeong's breath catches when she puts a hand on her side, on warm skin, and she feels the younger girl swallow.

"Ryu," Chaeryeong says again, and this time her hand properly pushes the older girl away from her neck. "I, um...we have to stop."

They always hit this point-it takes longer now and Ryujin would _die_ before she made Chaeryeong feel unsafe or uncomfortable around her but it's honestly frustrating. She'll be Chaeryeong's first, and she knows the younger girl had barely even kissed anyone before her. To go from that to this, full on half-griding make-out sessions, is a lot for only a few months. And she _loves_ this, watching and hearing Chaeryeong find out that she enjoys little bites and scratches and Ryujin holding her face as she kisses her. It's all Ryujin.

And she's not going to push and be a dumbass just because she gets a little frustrated.

She just...sometimes she looks at how Chaeryeong is with her expression of affection, physical and otherwise, outside of the privacy of their dorm. Part of it is on purpose, to not let the cameras know, but it's naturally just..skewed.

And not towards her.

"Right. Yeah, of course," she murmurs, and hates that she sounds disappointed. It's not Chaeryeong's fault, it's not and she knows it.

"I...I like when we, you know, kiss and cuddle and dance together, but I um...I don't think I can do that yet."

Irrational irritation _burns_ in Ryujin for a moment and she opens her mouth.

_Don't say it don't say-_

"It's fine, I mean, you're saving yourself for Yeji unnie, right?"

Chaeryeong blinks once, twice, then glares at her.

"What?!"

_Shit shit shit._

"I-"

Chaeryeong smacks her arm, hard, and then again when Ryujin hesitates in moving off of her. 

"Why would I do that? I'm not doing _this_ with _Yeji_ , I'm not _saving myself_ -I'm just n-not ready yet, Ryujin!"

"You're right, I'm _sorry_. I k-" Ryujin grabs Chaeryeong's hand and bows her head, apologizing. She's an idiot, her girlfriend is just new to this and she's a horny asshole who can't wait for a bit-so she just has to go and-and accuse her of liking someone else? "I know, I'm sorry. We should totally wait. I'm really sorry, I just got worked up and then I said it and I know it's not true."

"Why Yeji unnie?"

"I-you two are just close, sometimes it seems-I know it's not, I know you'd tell me but Yeji unnie is just-I can see you wanting someone like her, or maybe liking her charms recently and we haven't been on a proper date in a while..."

"That's not-Ryujin, _honestly_ ," Chaeryeong sighs. She runs a hand through her hair and Ryujin never thought someone could look so pretty when so obviously annoyed. "I think of Yeji unnie like my unnie, Chaeyeon. It's comforting to have unnies that are just that, _just_ sister figures. We're definitely not like you and me, okay?"

Ryujin nods, squeezing the hand she's holding.

"I-I just thought-"

_"Unnie, I...please."_

_Yeji looks conflicted, but doesn't stop Ryujin's hands from finding her waistband. The pink haired girl is just on the edge of crying, the soju they had shared loosening her restraints a little._

_"Please...I know I'll mess it up in the future, I just...I need unnie to help me, sh-show me...please..."_

_"We-you're underage, why d-"_

_"I've heard you and Jisu unnie before," she says quickly. "I don't like you like that, but just one time, please. I know unnie won't hurt me."_

_Yeji exhales slowly, holding Ryujin's gaze. The younger girl knew she and Jisu weren't exclusive and here she was, asking for help, asking for this "learning experience" from someone she trusted. Someone who would be safe. Not Chaeryeong, who Yeji would've thought...but neither of them knew, so it was likely for the younger girl's benefit-and Ryujin's own confidence-that she wanted this...introduction._

_It's embarrassing to think that this is so-but Ryujin's also terribly embarrassed and could use her help and Yeji knows this is a leader thing, that if her member trusts her with this...she can't just reject her. Ryujin probably knows she thinks that too._

_"I...one time, Ryujin. And it's just going to be me showing you how to touch and how things feel, okay?"_

"Thought what?"

_That you might do the same thing I did._

"I don't know, you always seem...I guess it makes sense with you being so close with your sister and Yeji being...ah, I'm sorry. I just...got jealous. You two have had a lot of moments together on camera recently and I-yeah."

"Idiot."

"I know."

Chaeryeong giggles at that, at least, before leaving her on the bed to go shower. 

Ryujin doesn't sleep well.

\-----

It's been a week, and they're...fine? They'd slept in separate bunks for a few days, which neither of them enjoyed, but Chaeryeong was against cuddling then. She had been a bit weird around Ryujin when it was just the two of them and Yeji, pressing against Ryujin's side or shying away from them both. It was confusing, but Ryujin can't blame her. She's not ignoring either of them, but she's clearly trying to figure out how she gave these signals to Ryujin.

 _That's fair,_ she thinks, _I did sort of...ask if she was planning to cheat on me with our unnie. Just because I-_

She rents _Aladdin_ and makes popcorn as an apology, letting Chaeryeong use her as a pillow-and song partner-for the entire movie. She's adorable, giggling at the same parts and wiggling to some of the dance moves, pouting until Ryujin grudgingly lip syncs one of the romance scenes with her. They watch it twice and Chaeryeong gives her a kiss on the cheek when they head to bed. She ends up being spooned for once, which certainly isn't bad. But every night, regardless of how close Chaeryeong is to her, Ryujin wonders if she should have told her.

Her answer comes a few days later, and it is a deafening _yes you should have_.

They'd been at the dance studio, all of them, refreshing older routines. Yeji crashed as soon as they got back and Yuna claimed the couch for video games. Jisu and Chaeryeong preferred to shower at the dorm instead of the company, so here Ryujin sat, alone in their room, reading. It was quiet and she was halfway through a mug of tea, wrapped in a blanket, terribly unaware of how karma was about to rip through her.

The door jerks open and Ryujin jolts, quickly setting her cup down. A freshly-showered Chaeryeong shoves the door closed, tossing her towel into the bin and Ryujin wonders if she's listening to music or about to burst into song, because there's something that's driving her and she hasn't yet looked at Ryujin-oh.

Chaeryeong stalks towards her and Ryujin doesn't have time to blink before her book is pushed away.

"He-"

The younger girl straddles her and Ryujin has the presence of mind to hold her waist before her face is grabbed and pulled. She winces when Chaeryeong _bites_ her lips then kisses her harshly, one hand moving down to grab her collar. Ryujin can feel fresh chapstick and struggles to breathe, confused at the sudden shift in-in everything, her mood and position and level of energy.

Chaeryeong's hand slides up the back of her neck to her hair and Ryujin is too overwhelmed to notice when she starts pushing back. She hits the bed suddenly and pushes up, groaning when Chaeryeong presses down. Her legs fumble for a second before Chaeryeong adjusts them as well, slipping herself between them. She'd been here before, but not like this. Chaeryeong had never held one of her hands down, ground into her with a hip, kissed her so strongly Ryujin was worried of getting bitten.

This is more-it's just more than they've ever been, more than she had ever initiated, even, and she doesn't understand why _now_. She turns her head away when Chaeryeong pushes, lips parting partially in surprise when Chaeryeong starts leaving harsh kisses down her neck, a finger pulling at her collar. Chaeryeong bites down as she leans in with the rest of her body and Ryujin moans. She's loud and she hopes the others aren't-

"Ch-Chaeryeong, shit...ah, why..."

"Do I need a reason?"

"N-No," Ryujin grunts, "just-that feels really good."

"Good?"

"Yeah-"

"Better than Yeji unnie?"

Ryujin freezes. She swallows, going to answer but Chaeryeong kisses her again, holding her jaw firmly. The blanket is too hot and she's grateful when Chaeryeong paws at it, pulls some of it off of her-but then she pushes Ryujin's shirt up and slides a hand across her stomach. The older girl pushes back against the bed, still responding to the kiss while trying to grab Chaeryeong's forearm, make her slow down before she makes some noises she'll regret.

It-it's good but it's so unexpectedly _much_ and Ryujin needs-

_Is this how Chaeryeong feels when we-because she hasn't-_

"Wait, w-Chaeryeong, hold on, I..."

Chaeryeong sits back on her knees, pushing the hair from her face. She looks down at Ryujin blankly as the older girl stares up, panting.

"Seriously...were you _ever_ going to tell me that unnie was your first? And that's why you said that stuff to me, right?

"I really-I shouldn't have said that. I don't even know why I thought it, I ju-cause I did-I did say Yeji because I sort of-"

"You honestly-you ask me if I'm saving myself but you're the one that-what, am I that easy a rebound?"

Her tone had Ryujin trying to sit up only for Chaeryeong to shove her back down, seething.

"No-Chae, no no no, I r-"

"Yuna's too young so the only other person you could possibly have sex with that couldn't expose-"

"No!" Ryujin shouts, grabbing Chaeryeong's arm. "Please listen, I just-I liked you then, before I...I just needed to know h-how it felt, what I was supposed to do, I was _impatient_. I didn't have a crush on unnie, I asked her to show me. How-it was just the one time, and I thought it wouldn't matter because-cause I just wanted to go into my _actual_ first time with some confidence, alright? Yeji unnie taught me, it was practice, I didn't even...didn't f-finish from that," she admits, running a shaky hand along Chaeryeong's arm.

"I was just nervous at the idea of not-not doing well when it was someone I actually liked and then...I got nervous that I was doing something wrong when I would touch you so I thought you might go to unnie because she knows what she's doing and I still sort of don't. And I just...maybe I shouldn't have done it but I really wanted to be good...for you. Which makes it sound like it wasn't totally selfish, but I know it was, I just, I really..."

"Why didn't you just _talk_ to me?" Chaeryeong insists, and Ryujin just lowers her head more.

"I'm really sorry, Chae. I know I should've. I wasn't-we were tipsy and I just...it wasn't real, we weren't naked. It was barely more than what we've already done. Please, I'm sorry. I know now it was stupid, I was just...you know how it feels. I was just in a rush and I didn't want to ask...cause I knew you weren't ready but I..."

Chaeryeong sighs and leans down, pressing her head against Ryujin's.

"I...really, I just..."

She swallows, looking away before meeting Ryujin's eyes. She's-Ryujin wants to _cry_ with how subdued, how disheartened she looks.

"You're going to be my _first_ , Ryujinnie. And that make me nervous," she whispers. "I wanted to be your first too, so our-it would be ours."

"You will be, you _are_ ," Ryujin insists, grabbing Chaeryeong's shirt. Chaeryeong was still okay with her being the first and she's just so- "You're the only one that'll be my actual first, the only one that matters."

Chaeryeong nods, quiet.

"How...how did you know that..."

And maybe it doesn't matter, but Ryujin...wants to know. 

"I went to ask Jisu unnie some things, and...she didn't hide that you two had, you know. I guess she thought you would have told me."

Ryujin closes her eyes, sighing. Of course, Jisu. Really, it would've been better to ask her than Yeji but Ryujin didn't know her as well at the time. She and Chaeryeong were closer, so of course she would've gone-and why hadn't Ryujin considered that? Not that it was-she knew Jisu knew, it had never been that awkward...but the week after it happened, well, Ryujin knew exactly why Yeji wasn't looking at her whenever they were around the others. It healed with time, Jisu even saying it wasn't something to forgive, it hadn't made her uncomfortable.

"I...I should have told you before you-I should have told you _period_. I just-there wasn't a good time to say it, of course, but I really...I don't think of it as my first, Chae, I really don't. It was like...a weird teaching hour, not even a make out session. But you probably wanted to do that first and I'm sorry."

"Mm. But how-how did unnie touch you? What did she do?"

Ryujin hesitates, leaning back when Chaeryeong moves forwards again. She lets one hand fall by her head, still holding on with the other.

"Um...we took some of our clothes off, she got...on me and just told me things while putting her hands..."

"Where?"

Ryujin groans, trying to turn her face into the pillow.

"Just-we still had underwear and stuff on, so she mostly touched me over that and my bra, alright?"

"Mostly?"

Ryujin covers her eyes with one hand, debating lying again. It wasn't like Yeji would ever say-but lying had gotten her here, so perhaps it wasn't her strong suit.

"She, uh, helped me take my bra off-and hers, for practice, but then we put them back on and she...with how to...hold..."

Ryujin makes a vague gesture and sighs, taking hold of Chaeryeong's hand. The younger girl is also pink from embarrassment, though she isn't backing away.

"I-I want to do whatever unnie did. If it's not too much."

Ryujin swallows, glancing down at the fingers that caress her sides. She can imagine...maybe slipping her own hands up Chaeryeong's side, pulling her in for a kiss and-

"Ah, yeah, I...I mean. I don't have my bra on right now, but what you've done already is basically...she just put her hands-"

With a cough, Ryujin mumbles through the rest of her explanation and Chaeryeong whines. She's also embarrassed, clearly, but she nods, shifting back a little to toy with the edge of her shirt. It's still high on Ryujin's stomach, about at her ribs.

"Okay. Well, maybe...not now, but I could...probably..."

"Yeah. But...not now."

Chaeryeong makes a noise of agreement and bends forward again, cupping her face. Ryujin notes her red ears, though she feels like her own blush isn't much better.

"Now we can just...because I think being the one sitting on top i-"

There's a sudden ungodly shriek and Chaeryeong flails, covering her ears and ducking to the side. Ryujin tries to sit up-

"OH MY GOD NO AH!"

"Yuna shut up!" Ryujin yells in response, covering her torso with one arm. The younger girl is already out the door, wailing as Ryujin tugs her shirt back down. Chaeryeong starts murmuring something and Ryujin pulls her legs out from under the girl, reaching over to shut the door. Yuna's noises dampen and Ryujin flops back onto the bed, head throbbing from how quickly things had just changed.

Yuna had said over and over that if they didn't lock the door, it was as good as open-though _hopefully_ she wouldn't just barge in as often now.

"...well."

Ryujin looks over to find Chaeryeong covering her face, eyes peeking out between her fingers. She chuckles, then pushes Ryujin with one hand before they both break into laughter. Ryujin takes one of her arms and scoots closer, quiet as the younger begins to go on about something Yuna did to Jisu earlier-her eyes are bright and voice less careful than usual.

 _Maybe...maybe I didn't fuck up too bad_ , Ryujin thinks.

**Author's Note:**

> This was going nowhere I just  
> I'm torn I sorta ship  
> Like I just really like Chaeryeong and Ryujin mkay and I sorta...but the dynamic?  
> Gotta steamroll this shit out cause it's gonna expire in drafts fuck it right quarantine let's goooo  
> Comments are appreciated even grammatically incorrect ones


End file.
